The truth of the matter is that I thought I was angry at god for not doing the things in my life that I thought god ought to.  However, I realize now that's not the case.  You see, I had believed as a christian that god loved us and did all things for our benefit due to that love.  So based on that belief, I expected god to act as if it loved me and did things for my benefit.  I think that after the 10 years I seriously devoted to this concept of god, I had a right to have expected something to show for it.  I think that's fair.  I mean, in our relationships with other people, we expect something to show for it within the first couple years.  Why then should we expect less of a god?

Here's where the disconnect comes in.  I had to realize that these expectations were ones I was taught by the religion of christianity.  But the real question is, how do we know that god feels anything towards us at all?  For all we know, god did create us, but then when god was finished, god went on to work on other projects.  I think that as the social creatures that we are, we'd like to believe that there's some higher power out there that intervenes for us when we behave in a proper manner.  But just because that's what we want or need to believe, that doesn't also mean that it's true.

So I've reached a place where I'm not so much angered by a god, but angered by the concept of god that I was expected to believe was the genuine article.  I hope that in my new state of awareness, as it were, that I am ever mindful to ensure that I don't say something that would insult my friends who are believers in god.  This post is not only an explanation, but a means of apology, if during this mental transition, I've said some things that might have hurt those of you who spend time praying for me, I hope you will forgive me.  It will never be my intent to throw my religious opinions in your face as some type of insult or stab at your personal faith in whatever god you so choose.  Those of you who are my friends, or are people that I love so dearly, are such to me, because of every facet of your life and your personality, and I wouldn't want any of you to change a tiny bit for me.

And that's all I have to say about that. :)