*blows the dust off my blog and coughs and wheezes*  *deep blush*

Well my my, it's been forever since I posted here.  Life has been such a crazy whirlwind.  I suppose I ought to get my readers up to speed on what's been going on.

• I finally got approved for a loan for a car!  That happened right before the new year, and I was so completely shocked.  That was uhm, hey, four months ago.  It's not like I've neglected my blog or anything.
• After getting the car I was finally able to finish my end of my divorce, which included getting all my id's and my social security card changed back to my maiden name.  Usually, this is a cause for great celebration, except that I don't really want the name of my crappy father.  Alas, unless I want to pay loads of money to get a new legal name, it's my only option.
• Now I'm also officially using my Veteran's medical benefits, which is good news for a few medical issues that I had been putting off.
• I've also got in my hot little hand a letter from the VA saying I am entitled to a VA loan, but whether the banks will want to loan to me is another matter altogether.  I should know more on that front in the next few weeks.
• The wasband's new wife sent me this amazing photo album with pictures of my boys in it, since I don't presently have a digital camera to take my own.  I like her alot already.  Whodathunkit, right?

I ordered a new computer last week with some unexpected funds that arrived.  Last Friday the cpu part of my new computer arrived, and while it was super fast, and absolutely amazing, all I had was an ancient 50 pound small desktop monitor to enjoy it with.  Well right as I was leaving for work last night, the monitor arrived, so I had to spend all night at work fidgeting because I just wanted to get home to see it.  So when I was finally released from work, I raced home as quickly as I legally could, and opened up the box.

IT'S HUGE!!!

I honestly had no idea what size an 18.5" flat screen monitor would be, but I was STUNNED by its size.  Can you tell???  At any rate, I just had to go somewhere to splatter my excitement, and this seemed like the perfect place.  Don't mind the expression of sheer surprise on my face.  I'll calm down, eventually.

I've come to a new place in my understanding of god.  I was angry for a time, and now that I'm past my anger, I can define more clearly what my stance is on god.  You'll notice, I'm sure, that I'm not using a capital g when I type god, because that is a sign of respect, and distinction, which I no longer feel I have to make.  I'm mostly making this post so that my friends can get an idea of where I'm at on this issue.

So at my new job, I get to sit at a keyboard, and feed the computer the information it asks for.  This also means that I get to take my mp3 player with me and listen to my music.  Tonight while I was there, I had the group Fireflight selected to play, since I have a good amount of their music, and I was touched by the song off their For Those That Wait album called All I Need To Be.  This song just says everything about what the love of an amazing man has done for me.  I know that this is supposed to be a song about God, but unfortunately for God, he's not ever come close to making me feel the way this man does.  You'll find the lyrics underneath the video.  Enjoy.




Hoping with each new day
I'm moving forward, I push the fear away
And I let go
'Cause I'm so through with barely hanging on
Leaving what's in the past behind
I come closer to crossing over the line
And I won't stop
Until I get what I've been fighting for
You've said it all before

Tell me again that I am strong
Tell me again that I won't fall
I need you here to fix me where I'm wrong
Take me beyond what I can see
Break me, make me believe
You have made me all I need to be

Knowing all that I can do is be open when you start to move
In my heart
And now my god, I finally hear your voice
You've said it all before

Who I am is all I've got
And I can't be who I am not anymore

(I am strong, make me believe)
You have made me all I need to be
(I am strong, make me believe, make me believe)

So I have the next three days off, which is actually rather nice, considering that in a week and four days, things really kick off at my new job, and I'll only have one day off every week for three weeks.  This will be my mini-vacation prior to the madness of the holiday season.  Not that I'm going to complain mind you, because my paychecks for the entire month of December, will probably equal what I've made in the last two months combined, and probably more.  On that note, let me pause to say Huzzah!  The good news, is that during my brief vacation, I'll finally get around to getting my blog themes up on my website design blog.  Hopefully that will generate some extra post-holiday spending money for me as well.  So keep your eyes peeled for the unveiling of these themes over at Valued Jewels Design.

I just love this time of year, and for a few reasons:

• My birthday starts the 12 days of Christmas, because it's December 13th.
• I get to celebrate Thanksgiving and M's birthday sometimes on the same day, which means he gets to have a stellar feast for his birthday.
• I love Christmas Carols.  I love hearing them, and I love singing them.  Sometimes I cheat and sing them when it's the middle of July.  Why?  Because I'm a nonconformist, that's why.  *grin*
• It puts me in the right kind of spirit to take the time to look around me at all the wonderful things I have, and makes it harder for me to focus on the negatives.
• I just love Christmas decorations, and how they can make even the coldest winters seem warm and cozy, especially when you're surrounded by people you love.

Life took me on a bit of an off-road adventure as it were.  I'm in a new job, a new place, and I just needed some time off the interweb to soak up all the goodness of it.  While I was off the interweb, I went and redesigned my layout for this blog.  For those of you who might not know me well, I do this often.  However, with the new tools at my disposal, I was really able to craft this exactly as I wanted to.  If you keep your eyes peeled, here in the next week you'll see a new layout for my website design blog, and 8 templates I've designed to work with both Blogger and WordPress.  I had a request before my 'vacation' to do a layout for someone, and I'll toss up a link over on my other blog, along with links to other sites that have my work on it.  That's all the news from me for now.  Toodles!

So I stumbled across a little meme that I thought was cool, and this is my first Friday that I've had the opportunity to take part in it.  So here's the Friday Five for this week. By the way, if you'd like to take part in the Friday Five yourself, just click right here.

1.  What was the last thing you dropped on the kitchen floor? 

So life is really starting to fall into place for me, on a scale I wasn't quite sure it would.  I'm starting to feel more of that solid ground under my feet, and it's such an amazing feeling.  To all of you, my friends and adopted family, thank you for bearing with me, for praying for me, and giving me words of wisdom when they were needed.  I count each of you as being a part of this path my life is on, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I look back at the last two years, and I'm left in bewilderment as just how wonderfully blessed I have been, and continue to be. Who knew?

This week, I'm choosing a song by Sting.  He's one of my favorite artists of all time, even though he's not entirely Rock-n-Roll.  This song is just very fitting with how things are going in my life at this time.  But I'm fortunate to be loved by a wonderful man and it is for him that I post this song.



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Sometimes it feels as if there's never enough time to do the things that you want to do in life.  So, in those rare moments when you find yourself having a few extra moments, do something nice for yourself, or someone you care a great deal about.  If you do that, you'll find that even if you don't get to do everything you wanted, you've at least you've done the things that really mattered.

I look back on what I've done with my life, and I sometimes wonder what I have to show for it all.  Then I smile that silly knowing smile, and I remember:

• I gave birth to four of the most amazing young boys that I know.  I am allowed to say that, because they are my boys.  S has taught me so much about grace and dignity, and my life is richer for it.  M has taught me how to laugh at myself, and know that it's okay to be who I really am.  T has shown me to take the simple joys in life and run free with them with reckless abandon.  G has shown me that it's not what you look like, it's how you love those around you.
• I am loved by the very best man in all the world.  I am allowed to say that, because he's done more for the benefit of my soul, my spirit, and has healed all the cracks that were in my broken heart.
• I have overcome most of what I've suffered, and because I have, I can be strong for those around me who cannot be strong for themselves.
• I'm educated enough to know that I've still got alot to learn, and I take every opportunity that presents itself to be smarter than I am at this moment.
• I have been able to forgive those who may not have earned it in their own right, simply because it was what I needed to do for my own sanity, and to be emotionally available to the people I care most about.

I'm glad that I took this time to write this post for myself, and the ones I hold dearest in my heart.  If any who read this blog find me having a moment when I seem to be overlooking what I wrote here today, please smack me in the back of my head and tell me to come back to this post and read it.  I'm serious, if you don't take a firm hand with me, I'm going to be too stubborn to do what is best for me.  I know I don't really have to say that to those of you who are my real life friends and family, because you do it for me each moment that I have you in my life.

No matter where I am going,
I hope you'll see me when I get there.

No matter what I say,
I hope you'll take the time to listen.

Because...

No matter where you are going,
I hope to be a part of your journey.

No matter what you say,
I'm going to love you anyway.